Study Shows 3 IPAs Won’t Get You Drunk But It Will Turn You One-Quarter Hipster

Savannah, GA—As a result of a 1,000 person study, researchers from the Savannah College of Art & Design can now confirm that consuming three IPA beers turns the average American at least one-quarter hipster. “After consuming these beers, subjects begin to exhibit certain hipster signs. It often begins with a disdain for technology and a craving to listen to vinyl records or type a note on a typewriter as opposed to texting, the study read, before concluding that the effects of drinking IPAs wear off at different times for each individual. For some it may last a week or so while others are transformed into hipsters during their entire college experience, or even into their 30s—whichever ends first. “It’s important to be aware of the side effects of drinking IPAs because before long, you could be going to trivia night three times a week, riding a bike everywhere and growing facial hair the 1970s would call old-school. Drinking a Miller Lite has been known to counter the effects of IPAs by helping individuals level off and come back to reality.” The study also found that sales in beard oil correlated with the sales of IPA beers.