Waterboarding Most Popular Way to Learn What Boyfriend Is Thinking

Clarksville, TN—A new survey from Focus Point America released Wednesday shows that more girlfriends are choosing the trendy technique of waterboarding over more traditional methods to find out what their boyfriends are thinking. “These findings support a consistent decline of girlfriends pursing a more traditional method of asking their boyfriends what they are thinking. Over many generations, it appears boyfriends have been desensitized to being asked, ‘what are you thinking,’ which would explain the need to introduce the threat of pain or losing one’s life in pursuit of the truth,” says Dr. Andy Facqui of Focus Point America. He goes on to state that it’s an age-old question—one that has gone unanswered and avoided for thousands of years, but it appears women are fed up with ambiguous answers from boyfriends, so they’re now doing what they feel they must to get answers. Local girl, Carly Peterman said, “yeah I waterboarded my boyfriend a few weeks ago. I was always asking him what he was thinking but he never answered, ‘just thinking about how much I love you, babe,’ so I was determined to get the truth out of him no matter what the cost.” When asked if her waterboarding method worked, Carly responded, “sure, yeah, it worked great! But, after a few hours I felt like there was no mystery in him left for me to figure out and that was when I knew he just wasn’t the one for me. I mean, anyone who would make me waterboard them just to know what they’re thinking isn’t anyone I can picture myself being with long-term.”